i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We are two peas in an std pod
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
