Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
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