i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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