DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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