We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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