made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize