if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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