Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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