Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
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