I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize