If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize