I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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