I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
