so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Randomize
