You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
