Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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