my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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