its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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