dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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