# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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