If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
