I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
never play flip cup with pint glasses
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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