proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize