At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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