He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
