So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
