brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
