bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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