it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
