my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
