girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
