I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
