If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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