I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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