so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
