I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
