you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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