i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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