Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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