Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
