Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
