I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
