Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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