i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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