The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I need moral support for this bender
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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