remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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