You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
