I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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