Just mADE A PArabola og urine
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
