and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
