TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
