I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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