I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
