today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
