Where are you?
In a non slutty way
someone owes me an orgasm
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
