My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Found your dick twin last night
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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