Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
