My nipple is on Facebook.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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