bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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