first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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