I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
