We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize