Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
there's paper in my vomit.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
