Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I supernannyed him into submission
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
