I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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