i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
