no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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