he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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