I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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