Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
