He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
