I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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